Being an NP: The Love Hate Relationship


If I Treated You The Way You Treat Me You Would Hate Me!



I always wanted to be an NP! It was my career goal from the first day of Nursing School. I entered healthcare because I wanted to help people and align with others like me! That was 21 years ago. Being and NP for the last 13 years has been nothing but a roller coaster ride full of love and hate!


Love: taking care of my pediatric clientele. Love: the knowledge Love: educating the general public with my knowledge


Hate: other NP’s I’ve worked with who have been insecure energy suckers. Hate: The doctors who thought I was their personal handmaiden. Hate: Not having full practice authority in my state!


The Loves and Hates are many! Basically, at one job the HATE got so bad, I left! I felt disempowered, only to jump into another job where the physician I worked for was creating FRAUD! I quit and jumped into another position where my co-worker was so threatened by my existence she “gas lighted” me to the point where I began questioning my own sanity. I quit again, and landed in a non-NP job with a pharmaceutical company with a “non nurse” boss. That’s where my spirit broke, and I wanted to leave healthcare forever.


I was suffering from “healthcare heart break!”


The profession I had entered and spent most of my lifetime studying for had let me down! I never thought I would have to deal with fraud, bullying, insecurity, and lying about products that were overpriced and were only one percent better than the generic!


I took a break. It lasted almost 2 years! I was becoming so depressed I didn’t want to leave my home some days. I gained tons of weight. I was exhausted 24-7!


I needed to take that break… my life and sanity depended on it!


I suffered all the emotions grieving my profession: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.


During my break, I rested. I played. I wrote. I created. I meditated. And I got colonics!


Beautiful things happened: Rogue Nurse Media 501c3, The Well Written Nurse, Nurses and Hypochondriacs blossomed!


I found myself again! I found my sanity! I found my soul!


I learned how not to let negative people suck my soul! I learned how to set boundaries with these unhappy souls. I learned to say “NO” to jobs that did not let ME be ME! And I made a pact with myself to have more fun in my life!


In May 2017, I started to get emails that were nudging me back to clinical practice. One was for sports physicals at an urgent care not to far from where I live. The recruiter promised it would be “fun!” He asked me to go in to meet the medical director.


“I just wanted to make sure you were cool, and you fit in with the team!”


“Dr. Brian” the medical director made me laugh with that statement! What he said next restored my faith. “Tell me about your podcast! That sounds super awesome!”


Yes, the sports physical gig was “fun!” The team was upbeat and motivating. Slowly, I was dipping my toe back into the NP pond. And it wasn’t too bad.


I then started looking for other similar “fun” gigs. I remember attending one interview where I stayed and shadowed the doctor for free in a pediatric clinic. Unfortunately, she was not fun, but rather negative and burned out! She called everything stupid… even herself! The next job I checked out was no different! I spoke to the doc on the phone, she was looking for an NP for 2 days a week coverage. She offered low pay, and sounded like she was going to cry when she told me she needed to spend more time with her children!


I said “NO!” to both of these. I was confident something good would come along eventually!


One day I received a “magical” email from a locums company looking for an NP for a practice in Palm Springs, California. Funny, since my second home is in PS! And I always joked to myself about trying out being an NP in the desert.


However, I was hesitant! My physical assessment and diagnossing skills were strong, but my prescribing incredibly weak! I had spent 7 years in a position where all I prescribed was versed!


The recruiter stated it was a good practice. I spoke to the medical director who was a very nice man. He listened to my concerns, and laughed at my jokes. He assured me he, his partners, and his staff would be supportive!


And yes, as soon as I got to the clinic “Luis” my medical assistant schooled me on the clinic rules: We like to have “FUN” here!


This place has been amazing! The staff, smart and supportive! The docs assist me with admissions to the hospital. And YES, we have FUN!


We laugh. We talk about cases. We even google stuff together!


My script writing is back on track! Thanks to an amazing supportive fun staff!


I’m happy to say, I love being an NP again! I love being a NURSE! And of course I LOVE to have fun!